How to Speak Dating Like Zoomer: 51 Niche Words for Love, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

This period represents a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without a word seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed guide to the words this generation is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

A

Authenticity – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies seeking out someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal quirks signaling a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks affirm your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately shut down any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {