The Phrases shared by A Parent Which Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of being a father.

But the truth quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to talking about the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider inability to open up among men, who still internalise negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of being weak to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a break - taking a couple of days abroad, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."